Girls who ACTUALLY like Sports….Puh-lease.

 

As most of you know, I have ZERO interest in anything to do with sports.  Even though I am in a relationship with someone who lives and breathes sports, you think that by pure osmosis I would have a slight interest….but alas, no dice.  The fact that I have noticed so many girls claim to like sports, perplexes me to no end.  I mean, I understand the girl who played sports in highschool or college….they are actual athletes…they understand the sport and are usually too unattractive to have anything else going for them.    They can speak intelligently on the said sport and have experience with it.  I clearly can’t relate to them, as in highschool, I tied my P.E. shirt up in a knot and rolled down the waist of my shorts, as to accentuate my taut midriff (please note, this was before I started shoving tacos in my face two at a time) and pretty much had “cramps” 365 days of the year.  What I don’t get are the girls who are UBER excited that football/basketball season has started and spend their weekends watching games with “their boys.”  Everyone knows a girl like this…you know, the ones who cheer loudly when a player throws some ball through some hoop or jumps on someone while they are running.  The girls that wax knowledgable about how this or that player and the number of “sacks” and/or “free-throws” they have had throughout their career.  I don’t believe for one second that they genuinely, sincerely, truly love whatever game they are watching, they only pretend to for the following reasons:

  1. They want all of their guy “friends” to think they are the perfect girl. Like, “Wow, that girl is so low-maintenance, she is down to watch sports on a Sunday and just hang out and eat chips out of a bag and cold cheese dip.  I want to put a ring on her finger stat.”  Just an FYI – if dudes wanted a girl who liked all the same things they did (ie. sports, not using utensils, etc), they would be with other dudes.
  2. They keep up on all sports facts/games/information because they hold out hope that one day they will seduce a professional athlete with their “knowledge” of the game and subsequently get pregnant, thus ensuring them to be set for life.

I mean, I am all about watching Dwayne Wade and his muscles run down the court (although, I must admit, I become extremely disoriented when the teams switch sides after half-time), but I by no means can sit through an entire game.  My role during football/basketball season is to serve the snacks to the boys that plant themselves here for hours on end and then retreat back to my room and continue watching the Lifetime movie, “A Stranger Among Us.”  In my opinion, I think that should be every female’s role when it comes to professional sports…and the girls who watch ESPN…don’t even get me started…don’t even pretend that you didn’t change the channel back to Lifetime’s “A Perfect Affair,” as soon as your boyfriend/husband left the room.

P.S.  Before my “sports fan” friends send me angry text messages, please note, I don’t give a shit.

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~ by farahk83 on September 13, 2011.

One Response to “Girls who ACTUALLY like Sports….Puh-lease.”

  1. Ummmm, you do know that Tina Fey published this exact same paragraph in her book (word for word)….

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